Always Overthinking….

One of the many things that people with Asperger’s do is overthink things, sometimes over analyze until we worry so much that our anxieties take over, even though sometimes it makes us have panic attacks sometimes we are right about what we fear or worry over. If others would only but listen to us more than trying to always tell us to “calm down”. For me the only way to calm me is for others to listen to me and that’s one reason I see a therapist.

So that being said I have something that is presently bothering me and kind of “overthinking” some. My youngest, he is 11 and he was dx’d (diagnosed) at age 3 with Asperger’s, Anxiety, OCD, Tremors, TICS, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorders, Petit Mal Seizures. He is considered low to middle on the ASD scale. He didn’t talk until he was near 3 but it was all gibberish, nothing was understandable and if he wanted anything he would point and grunt. He had all the signs of “Classic Autism” but because he could do certain things and could learn they diagnosed him with Asperger’s.

Once he was dx’d with Petit Mal Seizures we started seeing a Neurologist which dx’d his tremors as Simple Tremors, if you google it you’ll see why I think about it so much. He’s had the Tremors since birth and they’re getting worse as he ages. They’re so bad he can’t write, holding a cup without a lid can be very messy for him, brushing his teeth is difficult for him so we help him with that, doing any small task is extremely difficult. He gets services at school, he uses a laptop when he needs to write they have a program on the laptop for him. He does pretty good in school, though he has had his moments which I’ll post about another time.

Here is what I keep overthinking about with his Tremors. What is the likely hood that it could be an early onset of MS or Parkinson’s. There’s no one in the family, that we know of, that has either but that doesn’t mean it can’t just start. My husband keeps trying to say no way, says that he has tremors but they are not the same no where near the same. I’m sure he is trying to ease my mind but really it doesn’t. I try hard not to think of this.

I really hate this overthinking.

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Comforts I love and need!

Some may understand, mostly other aspies and parents of aspies, how much we love comfort and sameness. It can be anything, from foods to movies to things you touch or hold or maybe a combination of several things. For myself it’s a combination of many things of different foods, certain movies and certain kinds of fabrics.

My food comforts, some are ones I will cook at home but some are ones I must go get from a restaurant (umm, NOT McD’s yack!). The ones I cook myself are: Spaghetti, Meatloaf, Roast, good southern food which mostly is greens and beans with cornbreadĀ and those are just my comfort ones. I cook more than just those, those are just the ones I could eat more than once or twice and not be sick of them. The ones from restaurants are: Chicken Chimi’s from our local Mexican place, General Sao’s chicken, Fried Rice and Pizza.

The movies I could watch a million times and still love them and not be bored or sick of them are well mostly from the 80’s and 90’s, yea I know but I was born in the 70’s and in the 80’s was my teen years so go figure on that one. Course that’s not to say I don’t like/love movies from a different time or these days. I generally love comedy but I sometimes go through a stage where I want drama or scary movies, action and adventure are iffy but will watch them from time to time and fantasy takes me to a different place, kinda makes me feel like I should be there..yea I know strange but hey that’s just me.

Things I love to feel and hold are fabrics that are so soft or satiny feeling, I could hold or sleep with all day or night. Like right now I have brown satin sheets on my bed, feels so nice and soft I run my hands and arms all over the smooth surface feels so soft, like if I were to touch a cloud that’s how I imagine it feeling. The satiny softness eases my nerves, helps me relax and calms me so I rest easier at night. There are other fabrics I enjoy touching too and sometimes I have found that I have this thing when I’m shopping if something even looks soft I will touch it, more like I need to touch it.

Like I say not many will get this, mostly other aspies and parents of aspies will understand. And these things I need daily in my life to help me when I’m stressed or my senses are out of whack or maybe my anxiety is near panic mode many of these help me.

Aspies on Vacation

Going on a family vacation should be a relaxing time, not for my family…I mean part of it will be relaxing, maybe when everyone is in bed asleep lol, no but close. We do intend to have fun though, which is why I’m telling y’all about it…I may not be posting until we get back and due to people talking about not posting when you are leaving and bad people breaking in to others stealing which here we are lucky to have great neighbors who are nosey and tote plenty of ammo and guns.

But getting back to my topic, an aspie is never really on vacation when actually on a vacation because we still have our fears, sensory difficulties, anxieties, meltdowns and introvertedness.
There will be many obstacles, many which will be food issues with my youngest (who is 11 years old). There isn’t much he will eat and it’s already difficult enough here at home so going to a different state, that may have some places he will eat, will be a tough challenge.

Lord please give me the extra patience I will need for this family vacation and not be like the “Grizzwalds” lol.

No where to run

Sometimes I really need a break, get away from the things that are so overwhelming, get away from getting sensory overload but there’s no where to run though sometimes I can escape when I go to the bathroom or take a shower but that’s all.

I’d like to just take off alone but my anxiety halts me, either one of my kids or my husband goes with me. I never go anywhere alone but at the same time I wish I could be alone though I know I won’t or can’t because I’m trapped inside myself.

There are days where I think I can do this alone but that’s all just in thought.
I’m too socially awkward or “shy” to go places alone, must have a “buffer” person.
Anxieties are my demon, straight up witch that has such a hold on my life and makes me feel as though I have no where to run. Ugh…

Because I know telling you to shut up is rude!

OMG…boy do I have sensory issues, some I never knew I even had or well I never thought I had due to taking care of my boys, both are diagnosed with Asperger’s and I was just diagnosed this year so I never thought about all this for me just my boys.

I’ll talk about one sensory at a time and I choose Auditory. For as long as I can remember I’ve always had issues with certain sounds, a major one is people eating OMG it’s like my hearing is multiplied a millions times more than the average person! It bothers me so bad to hear others eating that either I have to leave or eat chips just to muffle the sounds because I know telling others to shut up is plain rude.

But it’s not just people eating that kills my ears it’s anything high pitched, sharp…like dogs barks, screaming children, squeaking shoes (like walking on a tile floor after coming in from the rain) or squeaking plastic. Loud pops, claps, yelling, tv/movie too loud, tapping (yea I know right…can’t tell you how bad that hurts my brain) and some hand dryers in public bathrooms, seriously they feel like a jet taking off!

But like I say I never thought about me until after I was diagnosed with Asperger’s and started really looking back on my life.

I just hope that the older I get I don’t just hollar at some poor soul “shut up, you’re killing me with your eating”..lol