Been TOO long….

It’s been too long since I’ve been here to post anything, just been busy with this thing called life and speaking of such life I must pause a moment in one we lost most recently, one who held my teen years hostage in his songs, Prince. Whether you liked him or not no matter but it was still a life lost.

— Pause—

Anyways, as I had mentioned it’s been a long time since I’ve come here to post and I totally missed posting on here during April, Autism Awareness Month and I’m a bit bummed about that as I had plans to post more awareness for females on the spectrum but I know I can always post so I’m not that bummed about that. There still needs to be more awareness about females on the spectrum so that girls aren’t left behind as I was. I didn’t know until I was 42 that I had Asperger’s Syndrome. Had I known or even my mom known when I was a girl in elementary school maybe I could’ve had more help towards my emotions, moods, anxieties and phobias. Course my mom had me evaluated and tested back when I was in 3rd grade in the early 80’s, they told my mom I was just a little slow and had some learning difficulties in the area of math, some speech problems, memory issues and difficulties understanding of sarcasms and idioms where I took them literally. I had help in math up until 10th grade as I didn’t require any more credits in math and I had speech up until 8th grade. I was so embarrassed to be in those classes and afraid that other students would find out and I would be laughed at, though no one ever found out thankfully.

Coming here to voice my opinions and tell my life story helps in some ways, though not completely as I have deep, very deep wounds from my parents and how I was raised. I never got “beatings” but let’s say words cut deeper than any spanking and they last forever. I think so much about those words all the time especially during certain times.

Lastly, I’ve learned that getting older stinks! Ok, until next time which I hope I won’t take forever to return to bore you with a little humor, maybe dry at times but I hope not. Good day Ā šŸ˜‰

 

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Comforts I love and need!

Some may understand, mostly other aspies and parents of aspies, how much we love comfort and sameness. It can be anything, from foods to movies to things you touch or hold or maybe a combination of several things. For myself it’s a combination of many things of different foods, certain movies and certain kinds of fabrics.

My food comforts, some are ones I will cook at home but some are ones I must go get from a restaurant (umm, NOT McD’s yack!). The ones I cook myself are: Spaghetti, Meatloaf, Roast, good southern food which mostly is greens and beans with cornbreadĀ and those are just my comfort ones. I cook more than just those, those are just the ones I could eat more than once or twice and not be sick of them. The ones from restaurants are: Chicken Chimi’s from our local Mexican place, General Sao’s chicken, Fried Rice and Pizza.

The movies I could watch a million times and still love them and not be bored or sick of them are well mostly from the 80’s and 90’s, yea I know but I was born in the 70’s and in the 80’s was my teen years so go figure on that one. Course that’s not to say I don’t like/love movies from a different time or these days. I generally love comedy but I sometimes go through a stage where I want drama or scary movies, action and adventure are iffy but will watch them from time to time and fantasy takes me to a different place, kinda makes me feel like I should be there..yea I know strange but hey that’s just me.

Things I love to feel and hold are fabrics that are so soft or satiny feeling, I could hold or sleep with all day or night. Like right now I have brown satin sheets on my bed, feels so nice and soft I run my hands and arms all over the smooth surface feels so soft, like if I were to touch a cloud that’s how I imagine it feeling. The satiny softness eases my nerves, helps me relax and calms me so I rest easier at night. There are other fabrics I enjoy touching too and sometimes I have found that I have this thing when I’m shopping if something even looks soft I will touch it, more like I need to touch it.

Like I say not many will get this, mostly other aspies and parents of aspies will understand. And these things I need daily in my life to help me when I’m stressed or my senses are out of whack or maybe my anxiety is near panic mode many of these help me.

Passions, likes, loves and addictions!

We all have things that we enjoy, like doing, items that are our favorites, movies we love, food we like and some have addictions to their passions but for us aspies its much stronger and not easily to move past or go to another activity. It’s almost like being in school really, we study our passions, likes and loves so much so that we know the names of every person who created it or know just how it was made down to the last small detail and know how to modify it better or know the entire collection and can name them from memory with just one glance.

Since my boys were dx’d (diagnose, diagnosed, diagnosis) at 4 1/2 and 3 I’ve learned all there is about Star Wars, something I thought I knew about more than my oldest since it came out when I was a little girl but he has “studied” it closely since he was 2 as well as Lego’s, which I think my feet and knees know more about pain than playing or as my oldest would say “it’s not playing it’s constructing”. Then there is his, my oldest, most favorite activity drawing and he has been doing that since he could hold a crayon! At first it was just stick people, odd looking stick people and when he started school you would see all these scribbles and odd looking stick people on his papers, well not just in one little spot or location but ALL over along the edges of the papers though I have to say he did learn too and oddly enough his teachers didn’t mind all that much.

Now my youngest, he was never really “hooked” on anything like his brother was but when he learned to read he learned to really enjoy his books. He really loves science and history, he really retains what he has learned in class and brings it home which he will continue to talk about for weeks if not months about it. When he was dx’d at 3 he just started talking but you couldn’t understand a word he was saying and now he talks nonstop, I love hearing him talk about his passions because there was a time I didn’t understand him and now its just wonderful. He is dx’d with Autism and Asperger’s because he showed sign’s for the “classic Autism” per the DSMIV (at the time, before DSMV came out) but didn’t fit in all the “boxes” for a full Autism dx.

As far as myself goes, yea I know shocker but if you read my profile and other posts you’d know I am an aspie too. Course I wasn’t dx’d until I was 42, only a year ago, but I’ve always known I was different from the rest of my peers, that something was different with me but I couldn’t understand why I was, I just knew I was. My passions, likes, loves and addictions are different, though I think that maybe all us aspies passions, likes, loves and addictions are different. As I’ve said to my kids and others before, “if we were the same we would be boring, but we are different and that makes us interesting”, whether others or well NT’s see it that way or maybe they think we are boring that’s their loss.

I love researching, usually anything really but more for my family history and other history throughout time. My husband says I have an addiction to stationary, ok so maybe I do, I love good pens and paper or notebooks and I’m constantly putting things in ABC order! I love the smell of old homes, for some reason it feels like I had been there once before long ago but I wasn’t.

I kinda feel as though maybe I got off topic in a few spots here and there but that’s just how my mind works, hard to concentrate on the same thing for me but I don’t know maybe it will help in some form for another mom who is seeking comfort in knowing shes not alone on her journey or help a teen think more that “so what” if they are different, different is good and boring is bad. On to more female aspie awareness.

Get to know me part 2…

So really not sure where I left off or where to begin, yet again, but I’ll just start where I think I should and go from there, if I ramble I apologize as sometimes I do tend to.
Anywho, let’s begin….

My childhood…in looking back I can now see things that made me stand out from my other peers, though back in the 70’s and 80’s Asperger’s wasn’t heard of nor was OCD or anxiety or sensory issues. All we were back then was labeled as a difficult child or slow learner, which yes I was tested and they said I was a slow learner with math and had some speech issues. Really I had Asperger’s, OCD, anxiety and sensory issues but of course they didn’t know back then.

I remember in first grade during learning time when everyone was to work in a workbook and learn I was on the floor by the books reading. I picked up reading at an early age, spelling I was excellent at, writing I had no problems but math that is a different story and remembering numbers was a nightmare for me.
Being in speech helped me with some of the “literal” issues, course to this day I’m still very literal thinking and hard to know when someone is joking with me or “pulling my leg”.
And 7 years of being in a separate class for my math learning disability helped some but I still can’t get fractions, heck I can’t do anything beyond division! Oh well, I know enough to get by.

I was definitely not the typical little girl who played with Barbies, I did but what I mean is I could play with dolls and Barbies then turn and play with cars, yes I did line them up though I usually lined everything up even my food!
OK so speaking of food, with chips I always did and still do sort my chips..Lol..from smallest, broken and then big. I like food but am pretty darn picky too but was worse when I was younger.

I’m not very “girly”, I don’t care about make-up, don’t care about my appearance too much. I was however brought up to make certain my appearance was basically presentable, my hair in place and clothes clean and I didn’t smell.

When in school I learned to “mask” myself, or well kind of like wear a pretend mask so no one would know I was different or appear odd. I would watch how other girls would do, behave and would mimic them.
I grew up with a girl who we went to daycare together and lived just a house up from each other, she became my best friend and I learned a lot from her. We are still close to this day.

Friendships, I just don’t get them even though I do have the one bff. Usually others use me for certain things, abuse my kindness and little gullible naive ways because they learn I have a hard time saying no.

In closing I must say that I’m happy with my Aspie diagnosis, I’m still learning things and have a great counselor who is helping me with my many, many issues. Guess you could say I’m still a work in progress at 42!