Just don’t get people…

Being an Aspie we have a hard time at a lot of things and “people-ing” is a big one! Conversations are tough but if you find that one person who you share similar interests it’s not so hard to communicate and then a friendship is formed. Having a friend or friends is great, going places, meeting for lunch, shopping, laughing, etc…there are ones that say they are a friend but it’s only a one-sided kind of thing, where you are always there for them but they are never there for you, they only talk about them and never let you talk, you cheer them up but when you need cheering up they aren’t around, etc…those are the horrible ones, ones you hope you never come across.

Unfortunately I got caught up with a friend, well supposed friend, because I’ve known her since we were in middle school and she was never as bad at friendship as she is these days and I’m not sure why she is this way or what went wrong with her. I won’t get too much into it because it upsets me but I just don’t know how to end it because I’ve known her for 30 years, it’s just too difficult.

Anyways, I’ll never understand why people are the way they are. For instance, why do others have to be so mean and rude, hurt others, stomp on others feelings, use ones friendship, belittle someone, etc…it just don’t make sense to me how people can be so cruel, hateful knowing they are hurting someone. Don’t people understand kids watch them, mimic them and the cycle keeps turning. But yet people complain about all that, complain that nothing is changing, that others claim race while others blame religions and beliefs.

Being an Aspie this just confuses me too much. Maybe I put more heart into it or maybe I over think things or maybe, just maybe people need to start listening and watching how they act and what they say, not to hurt someone or judge a person.

I may not have made any sense to anyone, I may not have reached others or rather may not have sent a good enough message about how others treat other people but this was on my mind and had to get it out. But thanks for reading anyways.

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Zero Concentration!

Here it is I want to write freely about something yet my mind goes to about a million different directions! No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to think on just one thing I get many, many more thoughts butting in and I’m unable to concentrate on the one thing I wanted to write about. There’s no way I could write a book alone, I would need several people to help me, which I would love to write books and do have a ton of ideas on books to write but my brain totally gets in the way. It’s so frustrating!!

It’s like on here, I know I don’t keep up so I get to thinking that my follower’s get tired of waiting for me to post my next post but I know that, well I hope I know, that all follower’s have others that they do follow too but I hope that even though I’m not here as often that my follower’s do stick with me. You know what they say “Patience is a virtue”…many times which I don’t have though I try.

Maybe I need something to help me keep me concentrated or well focused on the main thing I’m doing, that would definitely help, it helps my boys when they are in school so why not me too.

My hope is that I will do better at being here more often to share more of my aspie life, aspie kids, marriage and the 5 furbabies that we love.

To end, I thank all that follow me…ya’ll give me encouragement to keep going just by liking a post or following me.

Worry Wart…oh dear

All my life, well as far back as I can remember, I’ve always worried about something. Actually my mom and many others who’ve took notice to it have always said I was a worry wart, thought I’ve always took that as a sort of “name calling” and kind of stung my feelers in a round about way which now looking back my aspieness had a play in that but I didn’t know that then.

I pretty much worry about everything, if you can think of it well I worry about that. I’m pretty certain that my worrying has a huge part in my panic attacks and at times it can be pretty bad so much so that it’s hard to breathe, I begin to sweat and sometimes I will sweat until the situation I’m in and worrying about is over and I’m out of the situation, I’ll have the nervous shakes and get that fight or flight going on in my mind and body.

I do go to therapy every week, she wants me to do breathing exercises and some other things but when your in a big panic and completely worried about something at that moment I’m not going to remember crap other than get out of the situation! I must say just before my attack gets so bad I do try some breathing but the more the situation gets bigger or out of hand the worse I get. Eventually I hope that some techniques will help but it’s going to take many many times using them before it clicks with me.

You know many people see their diagnosis as being labelled and they hate it but for me being diagnosed at 42 (2014) I actually welcome it though I’m still learning even though my boys were diagnosed with Asperger’s and others and I’ve learned about them but it’s different when it’s yourself. I wish I had been diagnosed as a child I would have begun some therapy then but back when I was a child they just called it being slow and learning disabilities, no therapy, just some services in school and that was it even though Asperger’s was already in the books but no one knew about it because it wasn’t well known as it is now but it was widely known that it was just boys but it is now known to be girl’s as well.

For now I’m ok with my diagnoses but wish it wasn’t so difficult some times.

 

Teachers just don’t get it!

Today I had a 2nd meeting with my youngest teachers. Seems he is having most trouble in English and finishing his work then turning things in.

Ok, so let me back up a bit so you understand better.

My youngest was diagnosed (dx’d) with Asperger’s, OCD, Anxiety, Phobia disorders, TIC’s, Simple Tremors, Petit Mal Seizure’s, Sensory Processing Disorder’s and ADHD. He has an IEP in place and receives services as well as use of a calculator in math and full use of a laptop so he doesn’t have to write. Writing is very difficult for him as well as doing some every day tasks like buttoning pants or shirts. He still has issues bathing and brushing teeth.

Only one teacher is complaining about his work, keeping him on task, his homework, completing his classwork on time, keeping his attention, etc…and it’s his ELA teacher that is complaining the most. ELA, if you don’t know is English Language Arts. In 6th grade they are doing high school work, he seems to understand and able to keep up but that’s not the problem. I believe the main issue he is having is the fact she is demanding too much at once from him and he is getting too over whelmed with it and he shuts down. But getting her to get it is proving to be a challenge!

Comforts I love and need!

Some may understand, mostly other aspies and parents of aspies, how much we love comfort and sameness. It can be anything, from foods to movies to things you touch or hold or maybe a combination of several things. For myself it’s a combination of many things of different foods, certain movies and certain kinds of fabrics.

My food comforts, some are ones I will cook at home but some are ones I must go get from a restaurant (umm, NOT McD’s yack!). The ones I cook myself are: Spaghetti, Meatloaf, Roast, good southern food which mostly is greens and beans with cornbread and those are just my comfort ones. I cook more than just those, those are just the ones I could eat more than once or twice and not be sick of them. The ones from restaurants are: Chicken Chimi’s from our local Mexican place, General Sao’s chicken, Fried Rice and Pizza.

The movies I could watch a million times and still love them and not be bored or sick of them are well mostly from the 80’s and 90’s, yea I know but I was born in the 70’s and in the 80’s was my teen years so go figure on that one. Course that’s not to say I don’t like/love movies from a different time or these days. I generally love comedy but I sometimes go through a stage where I want drama or scary movies, action and adventure are iffy but will watch them from time to time and fantasy takes me to a different place, kinda makes me feel like I should be there..yea I know strange but hey that’s just me.

Things I love to feel and hold are fabrics that are so soft or satiny feeling, I could hold or sleep with all day or night. Like right now I have brown satin sheets on my bed, feels so nice and soft I run my hands and arms all over the smooth surface feels so soft, like if I were to touch a cloud that’s how I imagine it feeling. The satiny softness eases my nerves, helps me relax and calms me so I rest easier at night. There are other fabrics I enjoy touching too and sometimes I have found that I have this thing when I’m shopping if something even looks soft I will touch it, more like I need to touch it.

Like I say not many will get this, mostly other aspies and parents of aspies will understand. And these things I need daily in my life to help me when I’m stressed or my senses are out of whack or maybe my anxiety is near panic mode many of these help me.

One of my hobbies, photography.

Fire breathing in the sky

Fire breathing in the sky!

Thought I would share just one of my many hobbies, I have many like cross-stitching, doing some crafting and creating things, doing genealogy and photography. My kind of photography is more nature related than photos of people but I do love taking photos of my family especially when they are caught off guard, more of a “natural” pose for me.

I took this photo while we were in Miami, Fl one evening. After we got home and I went through all the photos this one was just one of the many special ones I happen to take that turned out so awesome. If you like to look up at the clouds and see objects or animals in them then you’ll see this right away but if you are having a hard time figuring it out it looks like a dragon.

From time to time I’ll post some photos that I hope you will enjoy!

Passions, likes, loves and addictions!

We all have things that we enjoy, like doing, items that are our favorites, movies we love, food we like and some have addictions to their passions but for us aspies its much stronger and not easily to move past or go to another activity. It’s almost like being in school really, we study our passions, likes and loves so much so that we know the names of every person who created it or know just how it was made down to the last small detail and know how to modify it better or know the entire collection and can name them from memory with just one glance.

Since my boys were dx’d (diagnose, diagnosed, diagnosis) at 4 1/2 and 3 I’ve learned all there is about Star Wars, something I thought I knew about more than my oldest since it came out when I was a little girl but he has “studied” it closely since he was 2 as well as Lego’s, which I think my feet and knees know more about pain than playing or as my oldest would say “it’s not playing it’s constructing”. Then there is his, my oldest, most favorite activity drawing and he has been doing that since he could hold a crayon! At first it was just stick people, odd looking stick people and when he started school you would see all these scribbles and odd looking stick people on his papers, well not just in one little spot or location but ALL over along the edges of the papers though I have to say he did learn too and oddly enough his teachers didn’t mind all that much.

Now my youngest, he was never really “hooked” on anything like his brother was but when he learned to read he learned to really enjoy his books. He really loves science and history, he really retains what he has learned in class and brings it home which he will continue to talk about for weeks if not months about it. When he was dx’d at 3 he just started talking but you couldn’t understand a word he was saying and now he talks nonstop, I love hearing him talk about his passions because there was a time I didn’t understand him and now its just wonderful. He is dx’d with Autism and Asperger’s because he showed sign’s for the “classic Autism” per the DSMIV (at the time, before DSMV came out) but didn’t fit in all the “boxes” for a full Autism dx.

As far as myself goes, yea I know shocker but if you read my profile and other posts you’d know I am an aspie too. Course I wasn’t dx’d until I was 42, only a year ago, but I’ve always known I was different from the rest of my peers, that something was different with me but I couldn’t understand why I was, I just knew I was. My passions, likes, loves and addictions are different, though I think that maybe all us aspies passions, likes, loves and addictions are different. As I’ve said to my kids and others before, “if we were the same we would be boring, but we are different and that makes us interesting”, whether others or well NT’s see it that way or maybe they think we are boring that’s their loss.

I love researching, usually anything really but more for my family history and other history throughout time. My husband says I have an addiction to stationary, ok so maybe I do, I love good pens and paper or notebooks and I’m constantly putting things in ABC order! I love the smell of old homes, for some reason it feels like I had been there once before long ago but I wasn’t.

I kinda feel as though maybe I got off topic in a few spots here and there but that’s just how my mind works, hard to concentrate on the same thing for me but I don’t know maybe it will help in some form for another mom who is seeking comfort in knowing shes not alone on her journey or help a teen think more that “so what” if they are different, different is good and boring is bad. On to more female aspie awareness.