One of my hobbies, photography.

Fire breathing in the sky

Fire breathing in the sky!

Thought I would share just one of my many hobbies, I have many like cross-stitching, doing some crafting and creating things, doing genealogy and photography. My kind of photography is more nature related than photos of people but I do love taking photos of my family especially when they are caught off guard, more of a “natural” pose for me.

I took this photo while we were in Miami, Fl one evening. After we got home and I went through all the photos this one was just one of the many special ones I happen to take that turned out so awesome. If you like to look up at the clouds and see objects or animals in them then you’ll see this right away but if you are having a hard time figuring it out it looks like a dragon.

From time to time I’ll post some photos that I hope you will enjoy!

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Passions, likes, loves and addictions!

We all have things that we enjoy, like doing, items that are our favorites, movies we love, food we like and some have addictions to their passions but for us aspies its much stronger and not easily to move past or go to another activity. It’s almost like being in school really, we study our passions, likes and loves so much so that we know the names of every person who created it or know just how it was made down to the last small detail and know how to modify it better or know the entire collection and can name them from memory with just one glance.

Since my boys were dx’d (diagnose, diagnosed, diagnosis) at 4 1/2 and 3 I’ve learned all there is about Star Wars, something I thought I knew about more than my oldest since it came out when I was a little girl but he has “studied” it closely since he was 2 as well as Lego’s, which I think my feet and knees know more about pain than playing or as my oldest would say “it’s not playing it’s constructing”. Then there is his, my oldest, most favorite activity drawing and he has been doing that since he could hold a crayon! At first it was just stick people, odd looking stick people and when he started school you would see all these scribbles and odd looking stick people on his papers, well not just in one little spot or location but ALL over along the edges of the papers though I have to say he did learn too and oddly enough his teachers didn’t mind all that much.

Now my youngest, he was never really “hooked” on anything like his brother was but when he learned to read he learned to really enjoy his books. He really loves science and history, he really retains what he has learned in class and brings it home which he will continue to talk about for weeks if not months about it. When he was dx’d at 3 he just started talking but you couldn’t understand a word he was saying and now he talks nonstop, I love hearing him talk about his passions because there was a time I didn’t understand him and now its just wonderful. He is dx’d with Autism and Asperger’s because he showed sign’s for the “classic Autism” per the DSMIV (at the time, before DSMV came out) but didn’t fit in all the “boxes” for a full Autism dx.

As far as myself goes, yea I know shocker but if you read my profile and other posts you’d know I am an aspie too. Course I wasn’t dx’d until I was 42, only a year ago, but I’ve always known I was different from the rest of my peers, that something was different with me but I couldn’t understand why I was, I just knew I was. My passions, likes, loves and addictions are different, though I think that maybe all us aspies passions, likes, loves and addictions are different. As I’ve said to my kids and others before, “if we were the same we would be boring, but we are different and that makes us interesting”, whether others or well NT’s see it that way or maybe they think we are boring that’s their loss.

I love researching, usually anything really but more for my family history and other history throughout time. My husband says I have an addiction to stationary, ok so maybe I do, I love good pens and paper or notebooks and I’m constantly putting things in ABC order! I love the smell of old homes, for some reason it feels like I had been there once before long ago but I wasn’t.

I kinda feel as though maybe I got off topic in a few spots here and there but that’s just how my mind works, hard to concentrate on the same thing for me but I don’t know maybe it will help in some form for another mom who is seeking comfort in knowing shes not alone on her journey or help a teen think more that “so what” if they are different, different is good and boring is bad. On to more female aspie awareness.

Meltdowns, dislike!

I don’t know what it’s like for others on the spectrum but I assume that maybe it’s pretty much the same when a meltdown ensues.
I dislike them very much, course I can’t imagine who would like or enjoy them because they are so awful, frightening, hurtful, self harming, unwanted, without warning and scary.

When I have a meltdown I can be 1)Angry or 2)Emotional…I dislike both but if I had a preference it would be emotional. When I have an “angry” meltdown I usually do some self harm (scratch my arms, face or head, mess my hair up while pulling my hair, then open hand smack my head) so I don’t like that, it scares me after and hate for my husband to witness so I usually turn away from him or go in another room while screaming/yelling.

I just had a meltdown and it was because I couldn’t find something. Thats what happens with me. Then afterwards I feel drained and hurt that I acted in such a way. Dislike.

Bad side of a good vacation…

When you plan a vacation you are excited and thrilled at the fun you hope to have when you go. Of course you must plan ahead for boo-boos and uh-ohs as well as mishaps and unfortunate accidents but you hope they don’t happen.

So let me tell you about our little vacation that was suppose to be a great time for our family as it’s been 10 years since we’ve gone on one.

I planned it so perfectly, knew just where we were going and what we would go do. My husband made the choice of going to Miami, his home town and his sister still lives there so we thought it would also be nice to visit some with her and the family.

Our first night there, getting checked in was OK and then dinner was a hassle only because my youngest struggles with food issues, severely, it’s like there’s only a select foods he will eat and sometimes that is a chore I  itself. But we managed to make it through dinner and so begins the wait on my sister in-law and family.

They finally arrive, I’m so beside myself as well as my family because we haven’t seen them in 10 years. What started out a wonderful happy reunion soon went south in a flash!
My husband and her husband both decided to stay in the room with the kids so me, his sister, niece and her boyfriend and nephew all went to the bar that is attached to the hotel.
Started out all laughs and I was only halfway in my drink (frozen strawberry daiquiri) they all, well besides my nieces boyfriend, were into 3rd and 4th drinks and getting way loud, people looking at us…ugh the more they drank the louder they got and I was plumb miserable! I text my husband to come rescue me and then the check came, $270.00!! I tried my best to figure out who had what and they want to argue so we just paid the whole bill and we hoped that they would leave…nope no chance in that.

My night was getting worse by the minute and didn’t think it was ever going to end! We finally got them up to walk out and then the waitress brings a bill that my nephew had started after I paid the first one, $60, so huge argument started…my anxiety is now through the roof, let me dig a hole and hide in it please. So I left everyone and went to the room crying, I’m so upset that this had happened and embarrassed as hell!

Not long, my niece and her boyfriend come to the room she’s crying all upset saying that something happened and the ambulance was there and cops were called. Oh lord help me now.
Come to find out my drunk sister in-law fell and got hurt but she told the cops that her daughter pushed her when in fact she just lost her balance because she was wobbling like a weeble wobble person.
With them being so loud the night manager was ready to put us on the street all because they were being so loud and disorderly. Now I’m losing it, tears are flowing like niagra falls. My ridiculous drunk nephew comes to the room and scares our boys, they aren’t use to this nor are they around this never! My youngest with his anxiety and phobias, let’s just say between him and myself calming us is a chore and is up to my husband. At this point I’m ready to go home, it’s almost 3am but I don’t care I want to go home, I want my comfort zone/area and that’s home but he was able to calm us plus get the night manager to let us stay, the cops arrested my niece and we have yet to hear from anyone to say sorry or to offer to pay us back. We won’t be back.

After that night we did wind up having a really good time, our only issue was trying to find food that our youngest would eat. I was sure he lost weight while on vacation but nope he’s ok.

Next vacation won’t be near family!!

Aspies on Vacation

Going on a family vacation should be a relaxing time, not for my family…I mean part of it will be relaxing, maybe when everyone is in bed asleep lol, no but close. We do intend to have fun though, which is why I’m telling y’all about it…I may not be posting until we get back and due to people talking about not posting when you are leaving and bad people breaking in to others stealing which here we are lucky to have great neighbors who are nosey and tote plenty of ammo and guns.

But getting back to my topic, an aspie is never really on vacation when actually on a vacation because we still have our fears, sensory difficulties, anxieties, meltdowns and introvertedness.
There will be many obstacles, many which will be food issues with my youngest (who is 11 years old). There isn’t much he will eat and it’s already difficult enough here at home so going to a different state, that may have some places he will eat, will be a tough challenge.

Lord please give me the extra patience I will need for this family vacation and not be like the “Grizzwalds” lol.

No where to run

Sometimes I really need a break, get away from the things that are so overwhelming, get away from getting sensory overload but there’s no where to run though sometimes I can escape when I go to the bathroom or take a shower but that’s all.

I’d like to just take off alone but my anxiety halts me, either one of my kids or my husband goes with me. I never go anywhere alone but at the same time I wish I could be alone though I know I won’t or can’t because I’m trapped inside myself.

There are days where I think I can do this alone but that’s all just in thought.
I’m too socially awkward or “shy” to go places alone, must have a “buffer” person.
Anxieties are my demon, straight up witch that has such a hold on my life and makes me feel as though I have no where to run. Ugh…

Because I know telling you to shut up is rude!

OMG…boy do I have sensory issues, some I never knew I even had or well I never thought I had due to taking care of my boys, both are diagnosed with Asperger’s and I was just diagnosed this year so I never thought about all this for me just my boys.

I’ll talk about one sensory at a time and I choose Auditory. For as long as I can remember I’ve always had issues with certain sounds, a major one is people eating OMG it’s like my hearing is multiplied a millions times more than the average person! It bothers me so bad to hear others eating that either I have to leave or eat chips just to muffle the sounds because I know telling others to shut up is plain rude.

But it’s not just people eating that kills my ears it’s anything high pitched, sharp…like dogs barks, screaming children, squeaking shoes (like walking on a tile floor after coming in from the rain) or squeaking plastic. Loud pops, claps, yelling, tv/movie too loud, tapping (yea I know right…can’t tell you how bad that hurts my brain) and some hand dryers in public bathrooms, seriously they feel like a jet taking off!

But like I say I never thought about me until after I was diagnosed with Asperger’s and started really looking back on my life.

I just hope that the older I get I don’t just hollar at some poor soul “shut up, you’re killing me with your eating”..lol