Everyone goes through changes but for us aspies it’s just not as easy for us to just “get over it”, it’s very hard and most times it can be down right tough on us to get through the change. Most times if it’s not a bad change we may go with the flow slower than most but sometimes there’s that really tough change that comes at a moments notice and an explosion occurs with a ton of emotions at once and we may spiral out of control or go into a fit/meltdown or cry or sit and rock or we may hit, scratch or well harm ourselves until we calm down.
A change can be anything really, small or big, change is change no matter the size of it and we vary as to how we aspies react to it.
Tonight, I struggled with a change and guess you could say I’m still working on getting over it, it’s been 45 minutes now and well I can say I’m a bit more calm than what I was when it happened. What happened was for dinner I had wanted to make some chili but the beef hadn’t thawed out completely so I was fine, I figured I could just make me something quick in the microwave, something a bit “childish” or well from my childhood which was spaghetti in the can but anyways I, without really thinking, grabbed a ceramic bowl out of the dishwasher which my husband had earlier done the dishes but after I had already put the contents in the bowl that he came in the kitchen and asked where’d I get the bowl that not only remembered he didn’t start the dishwasher but that was my only can of spaghetti!
I lost it, completely lost it! I let him know while raising my voice that he should have reminded me after asking if he was going to use the bowl in the first place. I had a fit, I was enraged though this time I didn’t harm myself as I usually tend to do but I felt hurt, betrayed, alone, sick and really had anyone including my boys come to me I would’ve yelled at them for no reason. I was really heated inside. So, I sat down and then cried as well as do some breathing exercises that my therapist has been on me to try…well, it kind of worked. Now that my “fit” is done I truly feel very sorry that I yelled at my husband but I look back and he really could’ve reminded me that the dishes in the dishwasher were dirty. I’m now able to sit here and normally type instead of pound my words out, ha-ha. Now I feel cool inside enough to take another stab at making me something to eat. ugh…change!