I was always odd, weird, silent, never bothered a soul, played just fine alone, knew how to read before I could write and yet numbers messed with my head. I didn’t like to be teased, easily got my feelings hurt, easily angered, quick tempered, certain foods were nasty, didn’t and still don’t like gooey, sticky stuff on my hands and the worst was I couldn’t take a joke, well these days some times I still can’t or it’s just hard for me to “get it” right away. Some say I’m emotional, others have said I’m too serious.
Had Barbies, dolls, stuffed animals, coloring books (which I do still love) but I also had cars, trucks, guns (you know those cowboy guns that you put these little red paper rolls in the gun, cap guns…maybe you’re a bit young for those or you might be my age and remember), yea I had a combo of things I liked growing up.
When it came time for school I pretty much watched how the other girls did things, the way they talked, moved, did their hair, be with friends, what they laughed at and I mimicked them because I didn’t know how to be.
Here’s a great memory from middle school. So there was a boy I kinda liked, I had no idea how to do or act. He had funky, spike hair which I thought was cool (OK so this was the 80’s) and I thought I would do my hair like his…thing is I had medium length hair he didn’t. Every morning I would put enough mousse, gel and hair spray to catch birds and they would get stuck! Then I would scrunch all my hair up making some stick up…looking back I know I looked awful but back then I thought it was awesome and I don’t recall anyone ever laughing, well it’s good that I don’t know. But it didn’t work anyways…I know better now.
Another lovely memory, one not many know outside my family. This was mid-80’s, my mom worked with Coca-cola (she retired in 06 after 30+ years) and they always had coke night at six-flags over GA which was pretty cool, we got in for free, had a huge feast and enjoy the whole park all day. Well, I didn’t care to ride the big scary coasters, didn’t like the crowds, didn’t like the games, didn’t like the costumes…actually didn’t like to do a whole lot and many scared me but the one thing that they did do that absolutely terrified me the most and Everyone else seemed to really enjoy…the fireworks! Near closing time they always did fireworks. I don’t know if anyone had seen me, I really didn’t care though, all I wanted was it to stop. This is me as soon as they started: imagine if you will a 10-12 year old girl crouching, covering her ears, screaming and running around as if she were in a combat zone in the middle of a war! I don’t do that now but I do stay a far, far, far far, far distance.
Early on in my childhood I also gained a healthy respect for storms. When I knew they were headed my way I would build a fort and hide, at night I hid under my covers no matter how hot in the summer too! These days I don’t build forts or hide under my covers but my anxiety takes the place of them.
A lot of these I’ve seen in my boys like covering their ears, storms are issues, etc…but not once did it ever dawn on me that I was the same until I was diagnosed Asperger’s, anxieties, OCD and Bipolar (which I believe that one is not right).
Thats all I got to say about that…for now that is.